Anggota congci: Billy

Seorang teman asal menado yang nyentrik

Dengan kata-katanya yang penuh trik

Mengisi hari yang memang terik

Jiwanya sungguh unik

Isi kepalanya tak kalah menarik

Ia benar-benar berisik

Namun sungguh penuh sahaja dan baik.

Awan mendung sedang menggelayut diatasnya

Sang bunda telah kembali ke pangkuanNya

Meninggalkan Billy nyentrik terpuruk tak mampu berkata

Kuat ya,

Kau mungkin mati rasa, kau mungkin tak ingin kembali merasa

Meraba masa lalu tidak akan mengubah apa-apa

Tabah dan jadilah pemuda kuat yang selalu didambanya.

Kami jauh jadi tak mampu merengkuhmu

Tapi kau pasti tahu berapa besar sayang kami untukmu

Tak apa berduka, ambil saja waktumu untuk itu

Tuhan, Mami, dan kami menyayangimu.

Lekas kembali senyum itu :)

What to worry?

This recent day would be my lousy days. In fact that I've been disappointed by things that just not going well. I took my time to thought, mad, cried and regretted.

This issues not happen by just happened. It has its own messing-chain. A thing become worst, a people getting peeved and other human being just come and brought box of Pandora. It just perfect.

May 16th should be my continued lowest-term-in-my-life part. It started with traffic in Kemang. We (me and Rani) decided to have late dinner in KFC cause they have nice spot above. 

This is our after meal pic, I can't get the complete meal cause, i just didn't remember. I forgot things nowadays.

This is the moment when i tried to put smile on my face. It took like million times to made this. And voila it still didn't worked. So i made that jellyfish-face-look-a-like instead a simple smile.~

I don't know why i keep listening to Coldplay - fix you, when i trapped in lower term. Maybe it because the drama queen thing. The lyric and Christ Martin's voice are such perfect combination to collect forgotten tears. When you try too hard to forget or when you try way too far to ignore, this song is a soft killing alarm to reminder.

And now im blaming that song which hiding my smile in I-don't-know-where.

Here's couple snapshots proving that my smile has been stolen by Coldplay.  

I don't remember what was on my phone that makes me looked like seein hell there. On 2nd pic, it's a snapshot where i looked up to find out a noise above but what i see right now is me lookin up to a God wishing desperately. Gohh, what a mess. 

Rani forced me to smile every time we took a picture but at the same time i just freeze without moving any muscle in my face. It keep going on and on until i finally got my smile back. 

We trapped between Ex and GI, stores are commonly closed, we looked around to find out where exactly the exit door. But in the way for finding the door, we found many interesting spots to be captured. Since our narcissism are high enough, we easily fit ourselves in spots and captured ourselves in unusual-usual poses. The photo session going so well, exception: a security man who scared us with his mystique voice, ask us to captured him and just went away after blitz touch his eyes. Rare though.

Here's couple result of our photo session:

By the end of the day I slowly realize that what we have done tonight is quite fun. I looked into tonight photo folder and found out that my smile's back. Then i sudden realize, what to worry, live your life happily baby! :))

What to worry?

:)

 

karma police, come here please.

karma police, arrest this man.

He talks in maths
He buzzes like a fridge
He's like a detuned radio

-Radiohead, Karma police

You might think im cool. You think it's funny.

I said you're mean, you think it's fine.

I said im hurt, you said you don't care.

It's (not) fine. It's (not) okay.

Karma police, arrest this man.

Dump is fun, just hum and run.

Making fun at me, break me into pieces.

'please its nonsense, she'll be healed someday'

Yeah I'll be healed then faded.

You'll be damned or maybe i am already?

You really ruining my life.

Karma police, arrest this man

or maybe not.

Let him free. Let him find his destiny.

That lead him into his karma.

      -What goes around comes around.

Tuhan, bisakah kita bicara?

Aku kehilangan kepercayaan padamu Tuhan, maaf untuk itu.

Mungkin aku tak sabar, mungkin aku memang bukan umat yang baik, ampuni aku untuk itu.

Sadarkah, hanya umat taatMu lah yang suaranya sampai ke langit. Menggelitikmu dengan permintaan mereka dan melembutkan hatiMu dengan kesungguhan mereka, sehingga dengan kasihMu mereka hidup dengan jiwa berkecukupan.

Hanya mereka yang taat yang mampu mencintaiMu sepenuh hati, memohon dan memuji tanpa berharap imbalan. sampai hanya dengan mengingatMu mampu membuat mereka tenang dan berkecukupan, beruntunglah mereka.

Sementara aku, aku datang kepadaMu jelas-jelas dengan tujuan. Demi kepentingan sendiri dan -ampuni aku Tuhan- tanpa cinta yang cukup untukMu.

Aku bersujud, menengadahkan tangan dan bersimpuh semata demi ego pribadiku. Demi harapanku yang hanya akan menimbulkan keuntungan pribadi, tidak lebih tidak kurang.

Sabarku dibuat, ikhlasku dicangkok, kesungguhanku prematur. Aku merasa seperti seorang munafik.

Lalu rasa jijik menyergap, membuatku meninggalkanmu. Karena aku sungguh tak ingin mengotori agamaku, keyakinanku.

Kini aku menangis,

Untuk apa?

Untuk kehampaan ini. Untuk kaki yang bergerak mundur, untuk hati yang perlahan mengering, untuk keyakinan yang sedang megap-megap bertahan hidup.

kosong meraja saat waktuku meminta padaMu datang, berat rasanya meninggalkan sujud nikmat itu.

Tapi aku tak mampu tulus padamu. Maafkan aku.

Tuhan, jangan paksa aku jadi munafik.

Biarkan aku menjauhiMu, meski tak tahu kapan kembali.

Aku ingin mencari cinta untukMu lebih dulu.